Holiday Haiku

Holiday Haiku #1

Sledding in the park
Push, rush, hold tight, steer, Steer, STEER
Cold mouthfuls of snow

#2

Holiday array
What is the perfect greeting?
“Have a nice solstice”?

#3

Empty parking lot
Wal-mart employees sent home
With empty pockets

#4

Blinking twinkling lights
Hypnotize the dog and cat
Silent night indeed

Holiday Haiku #5

Awoke in Town Park
Snowy and surrounded by
Manger, menorah

#6

Children rise early
Anxiously hovering near
Their parents’ alarm

#7

Elmo and Patsy
On the radio again
Hand me the hammer

#8

Midnight bells outside
Broken shingles in the snow
Boot stains on the rug

Holiday Haiku #9

Colorful landfill
Tied in bows and jolly wreaths
Who will unwrap you?

#10

Who baked these cookies?
They’re funky, but taste okay
What’s this stuff on top?

#11

Dancing Santa Claus
Flapping Fish, musical bear
Pulsing temple pain

#12

They can stay up late
Give the children chocolate
Maybe they’ll sleep in

2005

Bad Comic Strip Titles

Considering the good comic strip titles that are out there, it’s not so easy to come up with definite failures right out of the gate.

  • Donkeys in Disgrace
  • Ramses the Great, Private Detective
  • Love Finds Marcel Proust
  • The Padded Cell that Is My Mind and the Papoose that Is My Pancreas

Strip Mining Beavers

The strip mining beavers came to stay.
At least, that’s what they constantly say
In the bar or on the street
To anyone that they meet.
The beavers arrived only yesterday.

They made a big hole west of town
Causing the collapse of the playground.
Plus, the junior high
Has begun to slide
Past town hall and continues on down.

The streams are filled with run-off.
Most of the children have a cough.
The beavers don’t care.
They’ll do this everywhere.
But the townsfolk have just had enough.

[2004]