We all realize that children should be seen and not heard. After all, that’s why we plant them in front of the latest Disney direct-to-video mishmash while we eat a quiet meal by ourselves, for once. Quite a bit has changed since that adage was first uttered, including cinema. What about the movies that the wee ones watch?

Unless you’re pushing 90, you don’t remember the silent film era. If you are pushing 90, the least of your worries is exposing your offspring to old flicks. However, you could be a parent considering self-asphyxiation by stuffed animal if you have to spend another minute with Barney or Arthur or Dora or Blue or Elmo or whatever else P.Blodeon blurts into our national juvenile consciousness. On the other hand, The Matrix may not be the best choice for the little scragamuffins.

Consider the humble silent movie. If you expose them now to films that challenge expectations, maybe the day will be a little bit closer when they sit still in a restaurant or talk intelligently with you about… whatever. So, what can you possible watch that will entertain the children and not expose your own silent-film-phobia? Nineteenth century film was heavy on short (like a couple minutes) documentaries, which nowadays serve as travelogues, geographical and chronological. Comedy is especially good. The Dryden Theatre shows silent films on Tuesday nights, often in better condition than you’ll find anywhere else. On October 18, Harold Lloyd stars in Safety Last!, a classic for any era. Before then, do some family warm-ups with Charlie Chaplin and Buster Keaton who are available on DVD and video. If you’re feeling particularly bold, a lot of entertaining experiments are out there: Nosferatu, The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari, and the films of Georges Méliès. Be aware that the silent film era was pre-code and a wide variety of misguided and misanthropic films were made. On the other hand, these films often display the joy of creation. Such ubiquitous choices as moving the camera or doing a close-up were brand new ideas, abused less and loved more.

September, 2005

Arrr, we harr at the Family ‘alued pirate school, landlubbers mess, and drydock have randomly selected a ten-year-old from among the one immediately a’ailable. Ye’ll ne’er get me buried booty!

I hear there’s a new Pirates book out.
Oo-oo. Yes, I want to read it.

It’s called The Pirates in an Adventure with Communists. It’s from a series by Gideon Defoe. That’s an interesting name.
Well, they’re lotsa weird names in the world.

People might think we’re talking about any old pirates book.
Then they’re wrong. The first book that I read about the pirates was The Pirates in an Adventure with Scientists, where they’re in an adventure with scientists. There’s scientific stuff and the big finale is in a museum. And there’s The Pirates in an Adventure with Ahab, where they want to get a new ship because one of their masts is always falling over. In the book, they meet Captain Ahab and his ship. These books are very funny books about a ship full of pirates with a resemblance to a barrel of monkeys.

I’m not sure I understand.
Because the pirate crew is very silly. The pirate crew are like “the Pirate with a Scarf On” and the pirate captain who is the “Pirate Captain.”

Would you recommend these books?
To anyone who knows the stuff that they should know like basic pirate stuff and what pirates really do to make it more funny.

November, 2006